Jess and I been through some life-changing events this past year, and it is no secret that some were very difficult. The Lord had brought healing in our marriage and a renewed love we have never experienced in the 35 years married. My counselor calls it Grace. What is Grace? It is unmerited favor. Something that cannot be earned by works, but through the Atonement of His Son’s shed blood on the Cross. We have been healed physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have learned so much about myself.
Awhile back I read in the Bible, “All of heaven mourns when a husband does not love his wife”. I read that years ago and held on to that, but on day the Holy Spirit reminded me of those words, and He said, “Now, flip that around”. “All of heaven mourns when a wife does not love her husband”. I then thought of how badly I treated him by with holding love and respect towards him, my heart broke for treating him so badly.
If someone would have told me a year ago that my marriage can be made new, and I have been told that, on several occasions, I would have unfriended them, in all areas, but as a living testimony of the Grace God has given to both Jess and I. I am truly a believer that God can change hearts; He has changed mine, but not by me sitting around just hoping and praying. I had to do my part, and that was by seeking professional counseling and applying his advice in my own self. I began to ask the Holy Spirit to pray according to His will, and not my own selfish prayers; He had, and I shared His prayers here on Day’s Journey daily, I have been set free from myself. My change brought change in more ways imaginable. At first, I thought at any moment we would go back to our old ways, but truth be told, those old people no longer exists in either of us. I can’t speak for none other than myself, praise and glory be to God.
Now that we, Jess and I are on the same page, we can discuss simple life decisions without argument, finger pointing, and tongue lashing; yes, we should have divorced year’s ago, but the one thing we agreed on kept us, and that is Jesus in every aspect of our marriage. Our family was also worth fighting for, so if you disagree that staying together because of your family is wrong, (I am not condoning abuse by no measurements, I am talking completely about my own experiences) then what is worth fighting for? Jess and I are experiencing life without fear, and love unconditionally now. I never thought I would experience what marriage was meant to be like through Christ Jesus, and we are excited about our new beginning, amen? We have been on the testing grounds in a lot of areas, and honestly, I was stunned when the things that use to set me off, did not affect me at all; I literally scratched my head and wondered what went right here? The things that left me resenting my husband, had no effect what-so-ever on me; resentment had left the building! I am also aware that we have more things to work out, but now I have hope, and hope never gives up on anyone. I also learned that what I did not have, I could not give, and that was love. I did not know how to love, because I never truly experienced love, nor did I even love myself enough to get help from anyone because of shame. Shame kept me imprisioned; shame was my worst enemy. It wasn’t until the Holy Spirit revealed to my heart, that Jesus hung on cross being treated with contempt because He bore my shame! Now I have Love, God’s Perfect Love that cast out all fears. I can love now through the Love of God in Christ Jesus.