Photo Credit: Mel Kramb
Yesterday, while in my counseling session, my counselor Don, began to share a vision he had had Thursday morning of his loving wife who had gone to be with the Lord eleven years ago. He said when he awoke in the morning, he seen her sitting at the edge of his bed, but as he reached out to touch her, she was gone. He said she had no expression of happiness, nor sadness. I assumed, she was letting him know he still had work here to finish. He shared how much he longed to see her again; she was in every bit of his life, and even today he missed their fellowship. He said he believes her appointment gave him hope again, which enabled him to keep pressing on; his expectation was that one day he will see her again in heaven.
Before our sessions we never know what we are going to talk about, our conversation always begins with how have you been, or what is new since we last talked? Sometimes in between, Don will call to check on me, and it’s always a time when I am going through something really difficult, for instance, the time I was admitted into the hospital with an infection, or if I am feeling confused; he seems to know that something is wrong. I know he listens to God’s Spirit, and he prays for me, but he will call and check on me as well, and that is exactly what he did this past Friday evening. I told him that I couldn’t afford to keep my appointment this time because my car broke down, and finances were tight. He said to come anyway, at no charge. After I hung up the phone, I knew in my heart that the Lord was going to help me understand through my counselor something that had been confusing me the day before. It was after Don had shared his vision about his wife, I felt that was my que to share a dream I had had the same day about my husband, and it was almost similiar; which I thought was a bit strange.
I dreamed my husband was standing at the door looking at me; he had no expression on his face, he just stood there looking at me. I was telling him that I couldn’t open my eyes; everything seemed blurred and dark. It was as though I couldn’t wake up from my sleep, I could only see him through what seemed to be scales on my eyes; I only seen the shadow of him. When I finally woke up, I was confused because I felt like the Lord was showing me something, something that was blinding me.
I know that when you are in a deep sleep you can dream some really crazy dreams, and not all dreams mean anything. I am not one who runs to Google to see what they mean; for me that will cause more confusion. I will just go back to the Word and re-read what the Holy Spirit had shown me, and this word was in Isaiah 1. I admit, I don’t always understand the Word, but the Lord already knows that. Someone will come along unbeknown to them, and give me perspective, causing a aha moment, or revelation; He never leaves you in the state of confusion, because God is not a God of confusion. If a dream has spiritual meaning, something will stand out, and for me it was Scales on my eyes (which is a cause of blindness or ignorance, as regarding the true nature of a person, situation etc. Dictionary.com).
Don asked me the question, “What is the desire of your heart?” I said nothing, in the past, the desire of my heart was material things, survival, or the things I hoped for that did not come to pass, and that didn’t work out very good for me.
Proverbs 13:12 says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, is a tree of life.
He proceeded to say that if our desires were not the desires of God’s heart, what then are the desires of our heart? Unless we have expectation, there is nothing to hope for; we are just existing without purpose. If there is no desire, there is nothing to hope for. He said, “Expectation is the vital source of hope, what you desire comes to pass through hope and your expectation is the fruit of that desire.” (Don Nemeth). I see that these three are all intertwined.
Proverbs 20:5 says, The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.
What was drawn out was that I had lost all hope for my marriage, although I love my husband of almost 35 years, I admit, we have had our share of troubles, struggles, fights, and that is just saying it lightly. Unlike Don’s vision of his wife, and his love for her, and I am sure they have had their troubles; no marriage is perfect, but his hope remained.
Jesus spoke to my heart recently, He said, “There is so much I want to share with you my child; listen to your heart, your heart doesn’t only beat, it also speaks.” My heart was speaking; it was in mourning the loss of my hope.
I had thought I had given up; but Don helped me discover the desire of my heart was still my husband, it was just underneath a lot of clutter. My heart was just barely beating, I was blinded by the scales of regret, shame, pride, resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness. I couldn’t see my husband through God’s eyes, the way God sees him; therefore we lacked true fellowship, and that is through the light of pure love, the pure love Christ gave when He died on the Cross.
Today at church during communion, one of the Elder’s spoke about this weeks headlines in the News. He spoke about those who had committed suicide; I don’t need to write their names here. He said, “Depression was a sense of hopelessness. Hope is built through the study of God’s Word, fellowship and prayer” (Bob Umbanhower).
1 John 1:3 says, that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. 4And these things we write to you that your joy may be full.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
9If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
I John 1:3-4, 6-7, 9 NKJV
Conclusion: Although Don and I had similar visions/dreams, Don’s perspective was focused on the positives in his marriage; he seen his wife clearly. On the other hand, for me, because I struggle with negativity, I seen only a shadow of my husband. I needed to change my perspective. These scales darkened my view; I needed to see things differently.