Lord, Can We Talk About This?



Can we just talk about this surgery coming up tomorrow? Now, I know You are Sovereign, and nothing goes without Your knowledge. I have seen Your love pour out towards me from the very beginning through my family, they have been so supportive and loving. My church family at Cactus Christian Fellowship and even friends from Facebook have been reaching out with words of encouragement and loving arms. Neighbors have been coming over just to let Jess and me know that they are here for us if we have any needs. Your love has even touched my heart all the way from Uganda!  I am humbled by all the prayers being sent on our behalf.  Lord, You are so good and loving.

But hear my petition.

Lord, I don’t recall ever claiming to be a strong woman, at least not by words, but You know what is even in the depths, I confess I have said these things in my heart, and I repent pride. I have seen post on Facebook where someone will say that another is a strong woman, and no doubt they are, because they have fought some pretty hard battles, in fact, they have fought battles I never want to fight. Even though some have gone to be with You, their adversary did not victor over them because You were always by their side; You never left them alone. I am not even worthy to walk in their shoes; they are mighty oaks, I am just a twig in comparison to them; I am weak, but Your Grace is Sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). That is why I am here, Lord.

I also admit that I struggle with this submission thing toward my husband, and being loving toward him; You know I love him the best I know how, and I am still learning how to love him through Your unfailing love. Just a few weeks ago, my daughter said we don’t show each other love. I explained to her that our love is shared differently.  After all, I grew up with three brother’s. I don’t know how to be gentle and mushy.

They taught me how to fight, and I never played with dolls. I played marbles and football with the neighborhood boys, and I beat them out of their steely’s most of the time. The first time I actually wore a dress was for my seventh grade prom; my grandma almost had a heart attack because I sat with my legs open like a guy. But when I sliced my foot and Gilbert picked me up and carried me in the house, I saw the blood, I almost fainted! I am sorry Lord for putting her through all that and coming home with lizards and locust in my pockets, and even now, my finger-nails have dirt in them. The first time I met Jess, I tried to act like a lady and allow him to hold the door open for me, but he walked right in front of me and let the door shut behind him. Sorry for the name I called him Lord. On our first date, he took me boating, tied me to an inner-tube and flopped me all over the lake, again, I tried to act like a lady,  I thought, “This is my kind of man!”

I know I am still a little rough around the edges, but You also know, I am still wimpy at the sight of needles, so at any moment You can change Your mind.  My faith is still as small as a mustard seed, but like the men who carried their brother on a stretcher and dropped him through the roof at Your Feet; You healed him because they had more faith (Mark 2:1-5). I know my brothers and sisters are praying for me, and You can do the same for me because You are still the same.

Or like the time Abraham was about to give his son Isaac, open heart surgery, You said, “Drop that knife!” Well not exactly like that, but close (Genesis 22).

Finally Lord, I just want thank You for all the love and support, and I do know You will be holding my hand through this new journey, You’ve got this Jesus.  I know Your love is great, and I want nothing more than to do Your will, and that You Alone be exalted, amen