About three in a half years back I was very, very bitter and resentful toward my husband. I felt like a slave in my own home and I wanted out! I heard about other Christian women getting divorces and I thought it would be ok for me to do the same, in fact, my thoughts were, “Jesus died for my sins, so it will be ok to do this one too.” Dumb! I say dumb, because the thing was my fear of growing old and being isolated like I seen so many other’s; and that terrified me! So many times I tried to leave my marriage, and I had the all the reasons prescreened in my mind and prerecorded on my lips; but, Jesus would say, “Stay and trust Me here.” The fear in my heart overwhelmed me so much that I would fall to pieces and cry. I told the Lord I just couldn’t do this; but He said, “I Can”
I have always been an independent woman and I did things the way I seen fit. If it didn’t fit to my expectations, then by golly I was going to make it fit! I learned through this journey that my weaknesses were not things that were to heavy for me; they were the things that I needed to step away from spiritually and allow Jesus to do the work on the inside out. (See James 4) Where I knew I was right in this matter, and the battle would begin within me; but Jesus wanted me to just let it go. I knew I was wounded and I wanted revenge rather than loving my enemy, who at that time was my husband. Then one day out of my own mouth I said, “It’s not the people who hurt you, it’s your expectations of people that hurt you.” Then I realized what Jesus was telling me in this parable I wrote called, “Backyard Blues” But the most important message I received from the Lord was, if I measured everything I ever did good in my life, it still would amount to Nothing, Compared to what He did for the world, and that included my husband.
This is a true story, mine.
One day a woman sat in her back yard feeling completely alone. She was discouraged and her heart was filled with grief and despair; for the love of her life was gone; but not in body, in spirit. She felt desolated and she too, was distressed in spirit, and began to cry.
As she wept, she heard a comforting voice say, “Ask Me”
But she continued to reason with her heart about all the things she had done for her husband, counting her own life so very dear she mourned as if she were at her own funeral.
Again she heard a comforting voice say, “Ask Me”
She said, Lord, my husband left me for another, though not for another woman. I know but he has left me, and now here I sit in loneliness. I thought I did everything I was supposed to do, to keep him happy. I tried my best to follow every rule in Proverbs 31; but Lord I do admit at times I didn’t like the Proverbs 31 woman. But even so Lord, I thought I was doing everything right.
I kept our home nice and clean. I made his dinner every night and even served him when he would come home late from work. I washed his clothes and even tried to remove the stains from his shirts, and his clothes were always pressed and creased.
I stood beside him in good times and when people turned against him for no reason, I stood tall right beside him. I took care of him when he was sick and even took on a part time job to help him carry the burden of debt.
Lord, what did I do wrong, he sits quietly in front of the television as though he’s looking at a blank screen. Few words we speak to each other; only empty words that seem to fall on hallow ground seem to come out of our mouths. Now here I sit alone in my back-yard. Help me Lord, help us.
Then God spoke as she sat quietly.
“I have seen your many toils, and your sacrifices. I have collected your many tears in My bottle. I have written about you in My scroll. I created your inmost being. I wove you together in your mother’s womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
My thoughts of you are precious, if you would try to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. But you did nothing!
I loved your husband so much that I sent My Only Begotten Son. I took up his infirmities and carried his sorrows. I was pierced for his transgressions. I was crushed for his iniquities; and the punishment that brought him peace was upon Me!
By My wounds he was healed. I know loneliness, like sheep, all have gone astray, you have all gone your own way; and I carried the iniquity of all men on the Cross. Through Me, I have given your husband the Bread of Life. I have washed his clothes with My Blood and now he is wears My robe of righteousness. He is holy because I was the Ultimate Sacrifice for his sins. His garments are radiant without stain or wrinkle, because I Live in Him, and He in Me! I was whipped beyond description and endured a shameful and humiliating Crucifixion for all to see. Through all your toils and deeds, he has been justified only through Me!
You have not because you ask not; and when you ask your motives are completely wrong. Ask for My Love and I will give it to you in abundance. My Love is Perfect, ask for the Gift of Perfect Love and it will spill over bringing healing to your home. You will delight in one another and you will be bound in strong ties of love.
This is where I began to see other’s through the Blood of Jesus and am reminded that no matter how rough the road may seem Jesus is standing at the beginning of your journey and He will walk with you to the very end. What is so awesome is that as I walk daily with Jesus, He always shows me something new every day; and today, He gave me a white rose that was finely trimmed with red on the edges. Oh, one more thing, I am very blessed to have Jess as my husband because when Jesus says, “I can.” That means as I place my trust in Him, He can love through me, His Perfect Love that cast out all fears!
Isaiah 53, 1 John 4:7, John 3:16, 1 Peter 2:17, Proverbs 15, James 4, 1 Corinthians 13, Psalm 139